dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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