this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
