moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
