he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
