Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
