I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
