it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this just has baby written all over it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
