I wish I could teleport
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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