I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize