I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
