Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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