Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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