First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
