who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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