Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
