If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
