The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
