We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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