also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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