Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
