I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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