i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
