Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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