I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
