My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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