Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this beer tastes like vomit already
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
