I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
