You can't motorboat a personality
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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