I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
