I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
