I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I've blown a few things in my day
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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