Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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