is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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