Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
