now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
