Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
