WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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