It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
