1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
