Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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