Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
