I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
