i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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