The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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