I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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