he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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