I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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