Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize