Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
They have beer where we have blood.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
