he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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