he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
