plz talk dirty to me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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