He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
