I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
