those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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