I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
