Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
