found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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