we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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