It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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