At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
