You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
