I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
