he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
