They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
