I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
