My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
